Whiskey Lullaby
by gleekgurrl
Summary: You only have one chance at life. People effect what you say, feel, and do. When extreme misfortune strikes Kurt Hummel it effects who he cares for most. WARNING: character deaths, triggers, drug use, and just plain sadness.


**A/N:**

**Hi guys! I know I'm normally post silly things but this is actually serious and really depressing.**

**This story is dedicated to MusicalEscape! She's the inspiration for this tragic story. I told her that she should use this song somehow in her lovely fic, _Two Boys, a Tree, And a Book. _I suggest reading it once you're done with this because she's a faaaaaabulous writer.**

**WARNING:**

**This may trigger, I suggest not reading if you get triggered easily. I don't want to tell you too much info or it'll ruin the one-shot.**

**Nothing is edited!**

**Here goes nothing…**

***Klisses***

* * *

"I'm afraid its brain cancer…and it's incurable." The doctor said grimly. The world around Kurt Hummel shattered. He shut down almost immediately. He didn't see Carole burst into tears as she pleaded for a cure. Burt turned and punched the wall before he went to calm Carole.

"A-Are you 100 percent positive?" Burt asked hoping that they read the chart wrong.

"I'm very sorry but Kurt has at most a year. Maybe less at the unnatural rate the tumor is growing at." The doctor said sympathetically. Carole let out another high-pitched cry and buried her face into Burt's shoulder.

_A year? That's it? Oh god,_ Kurt thought. He had so much he was going to do and now he was doomed to die. This _definitely_ wasn't on his list of things to do this year.

Suddenly another thought hit Kurt,_ Blaine. _This made Kurt begin to cry. The love of his life is going to suffer greatly at his death. Kurt knew what he had to do. It would be so much simpler; it would hurt like hell, but be so much simpler. He had to let him go. Blaine will have moved on by the time he died and that would definitely make it easier to move on.

"Kurt? Kurt, honey, please say something." Kurt was brought back to reality by Carole's pleading voice. Kurt turned his head and felt tears freely roll down his cheeks.

"I-I'm going to die," Was all he could say. He closed his mouth and put his head in his hands.

"Kurt, it's going-" Burt started.

"No dad! It's not going to be ok! I'm going to _DIE_! I'm going to have to leave you when you need me most! I'm going to have to leave everyone!" Kurt shouted. He knew this wouldn't fix anything but, God Dammit; he was pissed, pissed at the world for being so cruel. He huffed, frustrated, before collapsing back into his chair. He didn't even notice that he had stood up, "Why? Why me, of all people, why me?"

"I don't know, Kiddo. Life isn't fair sometimes." Burt sniffled into Kurt shoulder as he hugged him, "Come on. Let's get you home and into a good night sleep."

Kurt just nodded not trusting his voice. He couldn't move, his body was frozen, Kurt felt himself being lifted,. He snuggled closer into his father's soothing embrace. He felt like a helpless child because, well, he practically was one.

The drive home was quiet, no one talked. When they got home Kurt went up to his room and lay down. He didn't sleep that night.

* * *

To Blaine:

Hey, can I come over today?

From Blaine:

Sure, hon, is something wrong?

To Blaine:

I just need to talk to you.

From Blaine:

Ok? See you soon! I love you!

To Blaine:

Love you, too

* * *

It honestly caused physical pain in Kurt's chest when he wrote that last text. Kurt sighed and whipped away a tear and walked out of the house to his car.

_It's now or never. You can't drag him along, he needs to move on. _Kurt thought to himself as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

"Hey baby!" Blaine greeted Kurt with a sweet kiss on the lips. Kurt returned it before stopping himself. He had to end it quickly. Blaine pulled back and looked a little hurt that Kurt didn't kiss him back, "You ok?"

"I-I," Kurt scrambled for words. _Just tell him, rip it off like a band aid._ Tears rolled down Kurt's cheeks for the millionth time today. "I can't do this."

"Kurt?" Blaine asked. Kurt slowly looked up to see Blaine's confused face. "What can't you do?"

"This, us, I'll just end up hurting you. I cant do this, I cant string you along. Its not-." Kurt started.

"-Not you it's me. That's the most cliché thing to say during a breakup. God, Kurt, just tell me what I did wrong. I can change, let me try!" Blaine was pleading.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You need to forget about me, you need to move on. I promise this is for the best. I will always lo-"

"No! Don't say that! You can't just break up with me and then tell me you still l-love me!" Blaine was sobbing now. He turned and sulked to the front door of his house, "I hope your right that this is for the best. Goodbye, Kurt, I'll always love you too."

With that Blaine closes the door. Kurt quickly turned and climbed into his car. He feels as if someone had ripped his heart out through his chest and put it in a blender. Kurt wanted to cry but Kurt knew better than to let his emotions get the best of him while driving. He could get hurt-

A thought crossed Kurt's busted mind, _crash the car…it would be quick and relatively painless…no one would care…you're going to die soon anyway…_ Kurt shook immediately at the thought. Kurt speeded the rest of the way home. He ran into his room, ignoring the calls of his family, and locked himself inside his room for the rest of the night.

_Quick…relatively painless… no one would care…you're going to die soon anyway_

Those words echoed in Kurt's ears. He burrowed his head into the covers. He was scared of the thoughts of his subconscious.

The scariest thing was he was considering it…

* * *

Minuets, turned to hours, and hours turned to day. The only time Kurt ever left his room was to take his meds, which he saw no point in taking considering he would die regardless, or to eat. Well, 'eat', at meal times Kurt just sat still with a blank face and stared at his untouched food. Everyone once and a while Burt, Carole, and even Finn were able to coax a bit or two into him.

"Kurt, starving yourself won't stop the cancer! It'll just take you away from us faster!" Burt yelled.

"I'm going to die anyway! Why does it matter how fast it happens?" Kurt shouted back as he stood up and walked to the door of the dining room. "No one cares anymore. I don't want them to care; it'll just cause them pain! That's why I don't want New Directions to know, that's why I had to break up with Blaine! I want as few of people to know about me as possible!"

Kurt collapsed against the door, his body wretched with sobs. He felt two strong arms around him. Kurt looked up, expecting to see his father; he was surprised to see that Finn had himself wrapped around Kurt's frail body.

Kurt cried harder and burrowed into Finn's chest. Eventually he felt two other pairs of arms on him. They stayed in that clump on the floor for an hour. Carole, Burt and Finn had cried themselves to sleep on the floor. Kurt slowly untangled himself from his snoozing family. Kurt quickly and quietly cleaned up the kitchen before turning off the lights. He kissed each one of them on the forehead before walking to the door.

"I love you all. I'm sorry,"

* * *

_Ding-dong_

Blaine stood in the door way waiting for an answer. He knew he shouldn't be here but he had to see Kurt. It hurt too much not to see his face, hear his laugh, and touch his soft skin. Most importantly he needed to know why; he needed to know why Kurt broke up with him. He needed Kurt in his life, if he doesn't he might as well be dead.

The door finally opened revealing Burt. He looked tired, soar, and older than normal, but he immediately snapped to reality when he saw who was in the door way.

"Blaine! What are you doing here kiddo?" Burt asked generally confused.

"I-I know Kurt and I broke up, but I-I've jut got to know why. Can _please_ see him." Blaine begged. Burt looked like he was arguing innerly before he sighed and moved aside.

"Ok, but not for to long, he's in his room. I've got warn you, he not what he used to look like. If he'll tell you, you'll know why." Burt said looking noticeably sadder.

Blaine swallowed thickly at Burt's statement. Blaine found his way to the stairs that she found so familiarly. He slowly made his way up the steps; he could have found his way to Kurt's room with his eyes closed. Sure enough he made his way there quickly. He knocked softly on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again, still no answer. Blaine placed his ear to the door, all he heard was a soft melody. He recognized to tune,

_She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette  
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget  
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind  
Until' the night_

Blaine juggled the door knob, it was unlocked. He slowly opened the door and looked toward the bed. There Kurt laid, he was asleep. His face was halfway in the pillow, he looked pale and sickly. He had something in his hands; Blaine slowly made his way over to Kurt's bed. Blaine pulled what Kurt was clutching out of Kurt's cold hands. It was a two folded up sheet of paper. They were labeled: _My loving Family_, and _My dearest Blaine._ Then it hit Blaine like a train…Kurt wasn't asleep he was dead.

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away her memory  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees  
We found him with his face down in the pillow  
With a note that said, "I'll love her till I die"  
And when we buried him beneath the willow  
The Angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

"KURT!" Blaine shrieked. He shot up and started to shake Kurt. He looked to the bed side table and he saw a spilt bottle of pills. It looked like half the bottle was taken. Blaine heard footsteps up the stairs. "KURT, PLEASE, WAKE UP! BURT! FINN! CAROLE! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!"

Burt and Finn burst through the door to a horrific scene. Finn was frozen in place while Burt ran to the bed. Blaine was currently shaking Kurt, screaming through tears, shouting out pleads and slurred begs.

"FINN, CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Burt bellowed. Finn was suddenly shocked back into reality; he dug into his pockets and dialed 911.

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la laa  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la laa_

Blaine's world was frozen, all he could think, see, feel, smell, and taste was Kurt. His world was dying, falling apart, burning down. Blaine hand Kurt stuck into his chest and sling to him for dear life.

Suddenly, Kurt was ripped out of Blaine's arms. Blaine shrieked as Kurt was pulled from him. Blaine shot forward to try to regain his hold of Kurt. But he was forced back by one of the paramedics. When Blaine was pushed back his head hit the headboard of the bed. Dark clouded his vision, he could still hear the song in the background.

_The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself  
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath  
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time  
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind  
Until' the night_

Blaine woke up to bright lights in the hospital. He was informed that Kurt didn't make it. After Kurt's funeral was when it really hit him. Kurt was gone, and that killed him. He died inside. He stopped eating and started was growing thin. He drank away the pain. Every night it was a new bar, a new drink, a new fight. He would come home beaten and drunk out of my mind. His parents didn't care; as long as he was out of the house as much as possible they were happy.

People were concerned about him but never cared enough to help him/ he'd spend his nights clutching a bottle of vodka in one hand and a photo of Kurt in the other. He'd cry himself to sleep each night, burring his face into the pillow as deep as he could go. He just prays that the pillow will swallow him up and keep him there forever.

_She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away his memory  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees  
We found her with her face down in the pillow  
Clinging to his picture for dear life  
We laid her next to him beneath the willow  
While the Angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

It's been a 2 month and Blaine still doesn't know why Kurt broke up with him or why he killed himself. Blaine didn't want to know. He isn't himself anymore. He's numb all the time, he feels little to no pain. The pain is gone he feels nothing, he wants to be over. He wants the end.

Some how he finds himself in the graveyard underneath the large willow tree next to Kurt's grave. Kurt was buried next to his mother beneath the tree. Blaine sat between the two graves; his fingers traced the engraved letters on Kurt's grave stone. Blaine pulled his satchel to his lap and pulls out a small folded sheet of paper.

It's Kurt's letter to him.

"I haven't read it yet," Blaine's voice echoed through out the quiet graveyard, "I wanted too. Sooo many times but it never felt like the right time. Hopefully this gives me answers to my burning question. Why?"

Blaine opened the letter and started to read the tear stained paper:

_My dearest Blaine,_

_I love you; I always have and always will. I've loved you since we met on the stair case at Dalton. I'm sorry I had to leave you but I had to go. I know you deserve answers so here goes nothing._

_I was sick. Not just cold sick, I was incurable sick. The day before I broke up with you I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I had a year to live and I couldn't have asked you to stay with me when I was going to die. I wasn't fair to you to have to be stuck with me when you could be with someone else and be happy._

_I wanted to give you the rest of the year to move on, forget me, and find someone new. I didn't want you to be sad; I didn't want you to cry. I didn't want your last memory of me to be sick, dying, and pale. That is NOT how I want to be remembered. That is in no way fabulous. _

_I was going to just let nature take its course and kill me slowly but I saw how upset and depressed it made the ones I loved. I had to kill myself sooner than I wanted to. I knew that as soon as I was gone that they could move on and heal twice as fast since they didn't have to see me in pain. _

_I wanted so badly to just blow my brains out with my dad's shotgun, considering they were the reason I had to do this. I see the irony in that, the thing my father used to threaten you with if you hurt me would have been the thing that ended my life. But I thought of you, what if you were to find me? I doubt it would be a pleasant sight to find me with my brains splattered on my bedroom on the wall._

_I also thought of as long as I was alive you could of thought that there was something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you; you are perfect in so many ways. Don't give up like I did. Promise me this; don't let my death hold you back. Live a long as you can. I love you, I'll be watching over you where ever you are. Goodnight my sweet prince, I'll be with you where ever you go._

_Yours forever,_

_Kurt Elizabeth Hummel_

Blaine was sobbing; the pages were becoming even less legible. He looked at Kurt's grave and sobbed harder.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have stayed with you! We weren't married but in sickness and in health, Kurt. As long as we both shall live, you broke that rule. And since you broke that rule," Blaine dug into his satchel and pulled out a plastic bag full of pills, a picture of Kurt, and a bottle of vodka, "so I can't keep your promise. I can't live without you. When you died you took my heart with you. You left me an empty shell and I've come to get it back, but most importantly I'm coming to get you back."

Blaine unscrewed the vodka bottle, opened the bag and pulled out a handful of pills. He popped the pills into his mouth and took a big swig from the bottle. Blaine hissed at the burn from the alcohol. He hiccupped and laid his head down on Kurt's tombstone, clutching the photo of Kurt and himself in their old Dalton uniforms.

After 5 minuets things started to slow and turn fuzzy. The world started to all melt together.

Goodnight my sweet angel, I'll see you soon." Blaine slurred before dying clinging to Kurt's picture for dear life…

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laa_

* * *

**A/N:**

**THE END…**

**Oh god that was hard to write. If this sucked I'm sooooooo sorry and I apologize profusely! **

**Now that you're done reading this go read my stories: concrete angel, ICBYHB, or IGO! **

**Then…**

**MAKE SURE YOU GO READ MUSICALESCAPE'S STORIES! SHES A FABULOUS AUTHOR, GO! GO READ NOW!**

**Until next time, Happy Reading!**

***Klisses***


End file.
